life on hold

it's not that i dislike waiting.
i'm definitely more about enjoying the journey than getting to the destination.
it just feels like my life is on hold while the world around me keeps moving.
i'm a placeholder, marking time
until six months roll around and i can fall in step again.
i'm waiting for something to make one week different from the next.
i'm waiting for anything i've done to be meaningful.
all around me, friends and family are actively seeking, creating, planning for
what comes next
or they have it already in their grasp.
but not me.
i'm waiting for my future to find me,
sitting here waiting every day because i've already done everything i can
to secure it
but it isn't secured.
waiting for the letter that hasn't come,
the phone call that hasn't rung,
waiting for something that will validate
all the years i've been preparing
and all this time that i've spent
waiting.